Should I Get Lipstick That's The Same Color As My Nipples?

Any beauty lovers struggling to find the perfect nude lipstick can call of their search, because it seems the answer was right under their noses the entire time – literally.
According to experts on daytime talk show The Doctors, finding the ideal lipstick shade is as easy as peeking under your shirt and examining your nipples which, they say, will be an exact match to the color of your perfect lip color.
In an attempt to explain the rather bizarre theory in more detail, host and physician Dr. Travis Stork proclaims ‘nature knows best’ when it comes to what will complement your skin tone, before going on to display the intimate skin-matching process firsthand.

Now, I dont know if this is true or not but I’m going to assume that this is exactly what most women do. You find yourself at the makeup store and think, “Hmmm just what shade of red are my nipples? Do I have a burgundy hue or am I more of a russet kinda girl? I think my nipples look more like grapes than potatoes but it’s impossible to be sure with these damn mirrors. They are so tiny! What gives?!”

If I were a tech savvy bro, I’d develop an application on your phone that would determine the exact shade of your nipple. It’d be like Shazam but instead of figuring out what song you were listening to in 8 bars or less, it’d tell you which Crayola matches your areola in a near instant. Just swoop your camera under your bra and presto, we gotta match. (no flash necessary of course). Incredible stuff by me. Just useful as the day is long. I’d win awards. No doubt about that.

Anyway.

Thank goodness I don’t have to match my lipstick to my nipples. Although I would look lovely in a soft-brown copper shade of liner, I’ll stick with clear chapstick because I’m fortunate enough that my lips naturally match my nipples. I have nipple privilege. I recognize that and won’t apologize.

Hey Marylin! Let’s see those big black nipples, ya rib-less fuck! Still suckin your own dick?